


People have such strange attitudes toward aliens.

by QueenHeadphones



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, kidnapping mention, police mention, really nothing bad happens except a nosy coworker tries and fails to be obnoxious, wildly unbeta-ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenHeadphones/pseuds/QueenHeadphones
Summary: Every time that Abby tells her coworkers about the vacations to far off places that her girlfriend takes her to, they always panic and start throwing the word ‘abduction’ around.
Relationships: Abby/Saalgaax
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	People have such strange attitudes toward aliens.

“So let me get this straight: last Saturday, an alien _abducted_ you and took you to Pluto.”

Abby shook her head yes as she sipped her cup of water. “Yeah, just last week. Saalgaax and I had been planning a long weekend there for a while now.” She looked up, lost in thought. “I could have _sworn_ I told you after I sent in my time off form,” she started in her slow, languid tone. “But then again, maybe I forgot to.” She was almost positive that everyone in her office knew that she and Saalgaax were dating. Then again, it was a big office - the Agency of Intergalactic Relations needed the space. From negotiating peace treaties between species to coordinating PR events, the Agency oversaw everything related to every way that humans and extraterrestrials could interact with each other. With her serving as one of the Agency’s Investigators, and Saalgaax on the Intergalactic Defense Force, there was no way the Agency _couldn’t_ be aware of their relationship.

Lowry sighed. “Maybe I can make myself a little clearer for you,” she said. “ _Saalgaax the Deathbringer_ \- the six foot, purple, multi-armed, musclebound alien who destroyed the black hole that was threatening the Great Magellanic Cloud - took _you_ , a person to _Pluto_ , a planet that is not Earth, in her large alien spaceship. That’s not a vacation, that’s an _abduction_ from straight out of the movies.”

Abby shot a glance at Lowry. Some had called it odd that the Regulations office manager was always hanging around the Investigation department instead of her own, or how she had other people do tasks for her instead of her direct reports, or the way she expressed interest in knowing as much as she could regarding staff’s private lives, but Abby figured that everyone had their own special way of relating to others, just like everyone else. Regardless, her confusion registered to Abby as a bit odd, considering their line of work. “If a willing person gets into a vehicle with another, it’s not an abduc-”

Lowry jabbed an accusatory finger into Abby’s face. “That’s not the point here. You said you were going on vacation with your girlfriend. You said _nothing_ about being abducted by an alien and heading to a foreign planet.”

She leaned against the water cooler and groaned. “And _there’s_ the rub. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Pluto’s beaches were _beautiful,_ and Saalgaax and I had the best time there, it’s just that-” Abby paused, searching for the right words. “I was just so _worried_ that I wasn’t giving her anything in return, you know? I mean, I only make so much money as an Investigator. Right now, I could never afford to buy her tickets to far off destinations, or jewelry made from Carloxian singing rock like she does for me.” Abby laughed nervously and pushed a curl behind her ear. “It made me feel like I was being a bit of a...a _mooch._ ”

“You were worried,” Lowry said dryly. “About being a _mooch._ ”

Abby nodded sadly. “Every good relationship needs equal give and take, you know? I told Saal that sometime after we got back last week.” A smile crept up her face. “And she was _so sweet_ about it. She was all like, ‘Baby, you’re not freeloading, I’m doing this because I _want_ to spend time with you at sickass places. That’s why I earn all that money destroying the black holes that threaten the galaxy - so I can spend my off time stretching out on a beautiful purple sand beach with the hottest girl this side of the Oort Cloud.’ And _then_ ,” she continued. “I got a little choked up and was all like, “Saalii, that is _literally_ the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me, like the _nicest_ thing, and that I’d be just as happy with her on a picnic blanket down at Forrester Park as I would be on a beach in Pluto, or anywhere else, really.’” She beamed at her coworker. “Is it _not_ the nicest thing you’ve ever heard?”

Lowry rolled her eyes. “For someone in Investigation,” she said pityingly. “I’m surprised that you didn’t catch onto Saalgaax’s motives earlier. Maybe you’re suited to a better department?” She continued without waiting for Abby’s reply. “Taking you to other planets, buying you expensive gifts - that sounds an _awful_ lot like she’s fattening you up for the slaughter, or-or bribing her way into your heart to learn Earth’s secrets so she can attack our planet.”

“That doesn’t really sound like her style, to be fair. She’s part of the IDF’s Black Hole Corps, so she’s more likely to blow up one of those than one of us.”

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and began dialing, muttering under her breath the whole while. “Oh, she _only_ blows up black holes, that gives me _such_ confidence. _You_ call this little charade whatever you want, but _I’ll_ call it for what it _really_ is.” She pressed her phone to her ear, lips squeezed thin with intent. “Hello, police? I’d like to report a kidnapping.”

Abby sighed wistfully, beaming at the memory. “You know, I _knew_ Saal would say something like that, but _hearing_ it from her, it just made sense, you know? I mean, yeah, she spends a lot of money on me, but everyone shows their love in different ways, and that’s hers.” She turned to look at Lowry. “We even talked a little bit about it, and she was all like ‘Baby, I can totally meet you in the middle. The Roberta Museum has a foreign film night on the lawn that you’d really like,’ and I got so excited because she _remembered_ that I _love_ foreign films.”

“Yeah, it was last Saturday, the 14th, around-” Lowry looked at Abby. “About what time did you leave last week?”

“Um...four o’ clock?”

“Four o’ clock, with a human woman by the name of Abigail Barthelemy being taken by a Saalgaax the Deathbri- why are you laughing?” A pause. “What do you mean, ‘everyone knows?’ Don’t you _dare_ hang up on-” 

The distant buzz of a dial tone echoed out from Lowry’s phone. With a snarl, she hung up and stomped away, muttering poisonously. Abby barely noticed - her own phone buzzed and sang out. She’d recognize the tone anywhere - she and Saalgaax had spent a night flipping through ringtones, singling out the ones that they liked and making fun of the truly terrible ones. The one that outranked its siblings - both in catchiness and cheesiness - was the ones that they set for each other’s notifications.

**> >hey**

**> >thought about what u said last week about a picnic at forrester park. **

Another text, this time accompanied by a photo of wine bottles on a grocery shelf.

**> >how about u n me n a bottle of wine this sunday?**

Abby couldn’t text back fast enough.

**> > That sounds wonderful! I have just the right kind of cheese and crackers to go with it, too. **

**> > We can leave around three there, get there at four?**

**> >sounds perfect**

**> >its a date <3**

**Author's Note:**

> Me: wow I have a lot of obligations to take care of huh  
> Also me: now’s a good time to write lesbian alien funtimes
> 
> (Pretty good for being finished in five hours with no beta, huh?)
> 
> (Based off of this prompt from monsterkinkmeme: https://monsterkinkmeme.tumblr.com/post/183383888389/your-girlfriend-takes-you-on-lavish-vacations)


End file.
